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Jagadguru Shankaracharya of Puri, explains that marriage is adharmika relationship and is not based on economics. Addressing the materialist view on the husband-wife relationship and roles, he reveals how this view (materialist view based on economics) leads to the collapse of the family system on practical grounds. It is also an obstacle in our spiritual growth since the ultimate goal of marriage according to Hindu dharma is to attain Paramatma.
Materialist view on marriage
A common thought today is – if husband and wife both are employed, then why must the wife be devoted to the husband or take care of the home?
We wish to have a home but no one to look after it.
The meaning of the word “grihani” (used for wife) is “grihamantrī” – minister of the home. The entire responsibility of the household from praying to devis and devatas, welcoming guests, and ensuring that children are brought up in the most orderly way is on the lady of the house.
There is an understanding that the wife must be devoted towards the husband and take care of the house only if she is financially dependent on him, and not otherwise. This makes the relationship of marriage an economical relationship and not a dharmika one as sanctioned by the vedas and shastras. It is a communist point of view that bases the relationship on economics.
It is a different case when there is a financial compulsion and both husband and wife have to work to make their ends meet.
However, if it is out of leisure or such views, that such choices are made, even from a psychological perspective it is the road to hell.
The upbringing of children
When both parents are working the children will be brought up by maids and servants. They shall remain irritated and would never be devoted to their parents. Despite being wealthy, these children would grow up as orphans. Neither the mother nor the father have time to educate and nurture their children or to pass on the right values.
The above situation is similar to the West and also exists amongst birds and animals. They have only a limited time of sustaining the relationship of a couple or of that of parenthood. Do we wish to make human life the same way?
The woman bears her child for nine months. She has the maximum influence on the children. For example, Prahlada was influenced by his mother and not his father. If the mother and father both are balanced and strong, the outcome would be good. Regardless, the mothers influence is maximum on children and it is her duty to guide children for attaining success materially and spiritually, showing them the path to attain Paramatma.
Post retirement
From a worldly point of view, when both husband and wife are retired, then who will take care of whom since both are receiving pension. Similarly, when children and their wives are also working why should they be obliged to serve the parents or parent-in-laws since from an economic point of view they are all independent.
Who shall take care of the parents?
In old age, this would lead to a life spent in old age homes or by taking support of maids and servants.
After death
Why would sons’ perform shraddha or tarpana rituals (to pay respect to ancestors)? They have earned their living with their own hard work.
How shall the system of inheritance be protected? Everything shall be lost.
The dharmika path
It is important to remove the misunderstanding that the husband-wife relationship is based on economics and not dharma. By following dharma we can attain sadgati, while by following economics we can have a downfall any time.
Therefore, this is a communist principle that marriage is an economic relationship. According to us, it is a dharmika relationship.